There was this guy
Its Saturday and I'm busy collecting my thoughts as I sit here and type what you are reading now. I was reminded the other day of some past relationships I'd had. Just today I was thinking back to when I was a teen and you develop those crushes on boys in school. I remember this boy named Dave, for whatever reason I was completely infatuated with (I was probably 13 or 14). I'm like wow, this must be love! All the warm and fuzziness you feel that’s all so innocent.
What no one tells you is our 'Love' comes with some level of attachment that’s painful. We want the people we love to think and act in ways we think is best for them and we want them to do things we like, I mean we are in love with this person, we of course no what is best for them. Being a little vulnerable now , nothing ever came about with Dave. I do however remember writing him a letter thinking this was my big grand gesture to win him over. No it wasn't, at all! In fact, it did the complete opposite and of course crushed my heart into pieces. This didn't necessarily stop me from liking him. Although we never dated, I always liked him and we ended up being friends of sorts a little during high school. Anyway, I digress… I could use this example to really apply to any relationship. Instead of creating suffering for ourselves we have to surrender to trust that they will find their way to whatever happiness looks like for them. He might have gone on to date some girl I didn't care for, but that was what was meant for him.
The key element in sharing a loving connection with others is shifting the focus off ourselves, if we are hyper-focused with ourselves, we can't be present for others. In this situation, I was constantly wondering if he liked me, or he thought I was nice or cute? I remember my friend Sean trying to set us up in a way, like "lets all hang out together!" All I remember was being a nervous wreck, but still thinking in the back of my mind about myself.
When we can remove the self-centered agenda, we're curious and want to understand and know what the other person's reality is like, allowing them to be who they are and to be at ease with themselves in our presence, inviting in intimacy, love and connection. This might have been too much to really understand as a teen - and even as an adult I struggle with it. This is why I often tell people I'm a work in progress. I'm still trying to decipher the inner workings of the heart. Until then, think of someone you love, really feel what the love feels like. Really at the end of the day, this love is already inside you. Be the light… and take a moment and share the joy that you feel by loving others.